So in my blog last week I talked about the comfort of depression. While I was in my depression there was some characteristics I didn’t like about myself that I am constantly working on every day. I have another symptom that might have happened to you, and I certainly know a lot of people that have this. The important thing is moving on and growing from it.
So I want to talk about being a victim. I’m sure you know people like this. Oh this happened to me. This person did this to me.
The road to managing your depression and anxiety is a long one. You will have many amazing moments along the way and truly get to know yourself, and then you have moments that set you back.
I recently became aware of a stage a long time ago that I had turned into a “victim”. I shared when I was sick, I made excuses for things, I said “it happened to me”. I turned into a version of myself that I thought I would never be, and refusing to take ownership and work through a situation.
Part of this is my hatred of being told off especially in front of people, or people thinking I am bad at my job or homelife. I get really anxious and get a bit shaky. Then I refuse to do something about it.
I’ve recently learned something – that people that challenge your self esteem or your self worth are either full blown douche bags – OR – they see your potential and are forcing you to do better than you are. I got challenged a lot and it made me go inward instead of thinking and using my skills to get through the situation and deal with it properly. It also meant people around me started to shoulder the weight of me refusing to deal with issues, which is not their fault.
I tried a different way of approaching things and not working to a formula. I treated challenges as levelling up myself, and worked to support the people in my life and be more proactive. I recently heard a quote – “Lukewarm is no good”, and it really does apply to life!
So here are some things that are helping me to not be a victim.
- Take ownership. If you do something good, yell about it. If you do something bad, own up and offer a solution.
- Don’t make excuses. “I was late because of this,” “I’m sick,” etc etc. They switch off people. If you are sick, stay at home. If you are late, think about re-adjusting your travel time. Show up and work hard in all facets of your life. Even if you need to clean the oven (ugh hate that job).
- Look at routines and ask how they can change. Try new ways of doing things and you might find something that works really well.
- React quickly. The old tested one is if someone comes in (a friend) and is feeling a bit low, shove them a cup of tea and a biscuit and make them take a minute. Then help to sort our their problem. At work, if something isn’t going to plan, try plan B.
I am consistently finding out things about myself that surprise me but we all do, on the journey to recovery. If you start thinking hey, I don’t like when I do this, start thinking about ways to change it and yourself for the better. And remember, it’s a work in progress, not an overnight thing. You just have to work on it!
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